its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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