Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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