so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
