how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
