Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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