He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
