need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
