i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
