Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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