is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
