where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
