More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
