you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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