I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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