Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
