Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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