There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
