You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
