it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
