i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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