you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
