There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
