but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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