life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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