Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
