new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Enjoy the penises
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
