Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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