Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
