just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
