M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
They took my balls.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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