If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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