No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
