walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
