I was born with a shot glass in my hand
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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