Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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