i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
