I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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