I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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