So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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