He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
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I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
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You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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