I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
