After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
