Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
