It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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