i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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