I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
