dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
