I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
