I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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