it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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