sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
