What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
