so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
