You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
