You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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