KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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