i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
