he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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