Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
