How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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