Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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