Please, let me fuck your mom
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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