I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
