I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
