This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
