I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
