I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
