There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
