if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
