And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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