okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
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Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
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Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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