Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
