i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
