he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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